Westminster's Revenge on House of Commons Night in Canada

RON MACLEAN
(in studio)
Welcome to another extraordinary summer telecast of House of Commons Night in Canada. I’m Ron Maclean, with Don Cherry again beamed in from…Don, where exactly are you?

DON CHERRY
(on webcam via Skype, obviously in raucous bar, patrons mugging behind him)
Wellington's Pub in Parry Sound,I know I'm not supposed to plug anything but hey, you asked.

RON MACLEAN
How do you Skype in a pub?

DON CHERRY
On my iPhone!  Where've you been?

RON MACLEAN
It seems only yesterday you didn't know what Twitter was...

DON CHERRY
You call me up to get nostalgic?

RON MACLEAN
Of course not, I'm calling you to get your reaction to defeat of the government's motion about Syria in the British House of Commons.

DON CHERRY
Now we're talking.  I saw the clip where they announced the vote, and then I watched the whole thing on the BBC...

RON MACLEAN
And what did you think?

DON CHERRY
I think Bercow has the makings of a great hockey player.

RON MACLEAN
Bercow being the Speaker...

DON CHERRY
Yeah, he tells people to shut up and sit down.

RON MACLEAN
I heard him tell some guy he looked like an erupted volcano and to calm himself..

DON CHERRY
That's what I mean.

RON MACLEAN
So let's get into the specifics...

DON CHERRY
The debate was fantastic, it doesn't get better than that.  Instead of yelling at each other - OK, so there is some yelling at Prime Minister's Question Time - they actually listen to each other and yield the floor as required.  And Rifkind told Milliband he was "incapable of taking 'yes' for an answer"...you don't hear that kind of stuff in our House of Commons.

RON MACLEAN
So you think we have something to learn?

DON CHERRY
Absolutely.  And, bonus, the vote saved Obama's ass....

RON MACLEAN
I'm sure we'll be hearing from CBC management tomorrow....

DON CHERRY
Cameron and his crazy friends wanted to shoot up Syria for no obvious reason...

RON MACLEAN
There was the gas attack...

DON CHERRY
We don't know that.  Kerry says they have good evidence but doesn't say what it is, and the UN weapons inspectors - does this sound familiar, people? - had to cut short their work, but in any case the methodical work they've done will take some weeks to analyze.  If it takes these guys weeks to figure things out after being on the ground, how could Obama know for sure what happened yesterday? Anyway, Saddam gassed his own people when he was a friend of the US, and nobody, including Donald Rumsfeld, said boo, so it doesn't make sense that the issue is chemical weapons.  Personally, I don't see why a gas attack is worse than shooting hundreds of unarmed protesters in cold blood, as the military in Egypt did only weeks ago without Obama breaking a sweat, and it's not clear that it's worse than American helicopters machine gunning children in Afghanistan, or children dying slowly trapped in rubble after being bombed.

RON MACLEAN
Are you saying the Americans caused children to be bombed in Syria?

DON CHERRY
Well not directly but atrocities have been going on for two years in Syria without any thought of blowing up Assad, and Susan Rice and her friends torpedoed any chance of a UN Security Council resolution on Syria by demanding Assad should go as part of any negotiations, which doomed any chance of useful diplomacy, and then blamed everything on Russia.  So now Obama is choking on his own tough talk, but he can't walk the walk because he has no plan, no Security Council resolution, no allies, and no way out.  That's why the British House of Commons saved Obama's a...

RON MACLEAN
...aaand I think we'd better leave it there for now, on this special edition of House of Commons Night in Canada, covering historical proceedings in British Parliamentary Democracy.  Don, thanks for joining us.

DON CHERRY
No problem. You know, Wellington's is fun, but I'd really like a night out in the Strangers Bar in the Palace of Westminster.  They have fisticuffs and everything...

Robin Cook's Iraq speech. It doesn't get old.

BAE, Lockheed Martin, and Dassault declare war on part of Syria.

MEMO

To: The Giraffe

From: The International Security State

Re: Courtesy Call

This is advance notice that there will be a temporary period of violence in the imminent future. This is not "imminent" as defined by Eric Holder and the White House. It's hard keeping Obama up to speed.

This surgical strike cannot in any way be stopped or deferred, even by surgeons who might be working underneath the surgical strike. Our Business Plan calls for serious bombing at least every two years. Fortunately for Iran, it's not them.

Moving people and precious possessions into the basement won't work because we're using Bunker Busters at a minimum. No nukes. Yet.

Thanks for your attention.

Return of The Relevant Organs

Don't understand all the excitement over the UK. We were detaining the families of journalists a week after our Olympics. Took them a year.

— The Relevant Organs (@relevantorgans) August 20, 2013

Not reading Miranda to Miranda.

A hard cold gleam came into Number Two’s eyes. He advanced slowly on Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent. ‘All right, you scum,’ he growled, ‘you vermin...’ He jabbed Ford with the Kill-O-Zap gun.
‘Steady on, Number Two,’ admonished the captain gently.
‘What do want to drink!!!’ Number Two screamed.
‘Well, the jynnan tonnyx sounds very nice to me,’ said Ford, ‘What about you, Arthur?’
Arthur blinked. ‘What? Oh, er, yes,’ he said.
‘With ice or without?’ bellowed Number Two.
‘Oh, with, please,’ said Ford.
‘Lemon??!!’
‘Yes, please,’ said Ford, ’and do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesy ones?’
‘I’m asking the questions!!!!’ howled Number Two, his body quaking with apoplectic fury.

Douglas Adams
The Restaurant at The End of The Universe 

No shit. RT @AntDeRosa: US security official told @Reuters UK detention of @ggreenwald's partner was to send message http://t.co/7NzRX5umUG
— Jennifer Merritt (@MerrittJennifer) August 20, 2013

OK, GREENWALD, YOU BETTER LISTEN AND YOU BETTER LISTEN GOOD!

I'm not Glenn Greenwald.

WE'RE ASKING THE QUESTIONS!

Sorry, what was the question?

NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT QUESTIONS, WE'RE SENDING...

You said you were asking the questions.

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH HERE??!!

OK, that was a question.  But you must mean, "Do you know with whom you are dealing?"

WITH ... WHOM... DO... YOU...THINK...YOU...ARE...DEALING?

I don't know.

WE CAN ARREST YOU IT YOU REFUSE TO CO-OPERATE!

Arrest me on what charge?

WE'RE ASKING THE QUESTIONS!!!

Fine, ask me a question.

I SUGGEST TO YOU THAT YOU VISITED LAURA POITRAS IN BERLIN!

That's not a question.

I PUT IT TO YOU THAT YOU VISITED LAURA POITRAS IN BERLIN!

That's not a question either.

DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT VISIT LAURA POITRAS IN BERLIN?

Yes, I did visit Laura Poitras in Berlin.

AHA!  AHAAA!  AND DID LAURA POITRAS GIVE YOU ANYTHING, WHEN YOU VISITED HER IN BERLIN?

Yes. She gave me her recipe for cinnamon buns and encrypted copies of all Warner Brothers cartoons and back issues of the National Geographic.

SURELY YOU REALIZE THAT IS COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT?

My name is David.

*********************** eight hours and fifty minutes later

MR. MIRANDA, YOU ARE FREE TO GO.

What about my Roadrunner collection?

WE...ARE...ASKING...THE...QUESTIONS.

Greenwald is "incredibly opinionated"?

Since when is a passion for the American Constitution "incredibly opinionated"? Or when is a passion for the truth, based on evidence, "opinionated"? Galileo took a lot of abuse about truth. He was right and his abusers wrong. Otherwise, it's a great story, and Mr. Maass writes like George Orwell.

"It's OK to lie if you're the smartest guy in the room." - Plato

Well, it's er..."condensed".

Such,” said I, “appears to me, Glaucon, the general notion of our selection and appointment of rulers and guardians as sketched in outline, but not drawn out in detail.” “I too,” he said, “think much the same.” “Then would it not truly be most proper to designate these as guardians in the full sense of the word, watchers against foemen without and friends within, so that the latter shall not wish and the former shall not be able to work harm, but to name those youths whom we were calling guardians just now, helpers and aids for the decrees of the rulers?” “I think so,” he replied.

“How, then,” said I, “might we contrive one of those opportune falsehoods of which we were just now speaking, so as by one noble lie to persuade if possible the rulers themselves, but failing that the rest of the city?” “What kind of a fiction do you mean?” said he. “Nothing unprecedented,” said I, “but a sort of Phoenician tale,⁴ something that has happened ere now in many parts of the world, as the poets aver and have induced men to believe, but that has not happened and perhaps would not be likely to happen in our day and demanding no little persuasion to make it believable.” “You act like one who shrinks from telling his thought,” he said. “You will think that I have right good reason for shrinking when I have told,” I said.  “Say on,” said he, “and don't be afraid.” “Very well, I will. And yet I hardly know how to find the audacity or the words to speak and undertake to persuade first the rulers themselves and the soldiers and then the rest of the city, that in good sooth all our training and educating of them were things that they imagined and that happened to them as it were in a dream; but that in reality at that time they were down within the earth being molded and fostered themselves while their weapons and the rest of their equipment were being fashioned. And when they were quite finished the earth as being their mother delivered them, and now as if their land were their mother and their nurse they ought to take thought for her and defend her against any attack and regard the other citizens as their brothers and children of the self-same earth.” “It is not for nothing,” he said, “that you were so bashful about coming out with your lie.” “It was quite natural that I should be...”

But if you only THINK you're the smartest guy in the room, and you're not, it's still OK to lie because it's like "stand your ground" - you believed you were right, and if it turns out you were wrong, and a whole lot of people got killed, then (like the guys in the Iraq helicopter video, or those responsible for entire Iraq invasion) you didn't do anything wrong.

The Wittingly Review

From:  J. Clapper, Director of National Intelligence

To:  B. Obama, President

Re:  Review of NSA procedures and everything.

I am honored that you have entrusted me with the keys to the asylum. As you know, I have been resident there myself for time out of mind. I remember sitting at the knee of Wild Bill Donovan...but forgive me, I'm wandering.

I am pleased to report by return of mail that all is well.  I did indeed tell Congress, in the Person of Senator Ron Wyden, that the NSA does not collect data on millions of Americans...wittingly. As it turns out I was wrong.  I unwittingly said that the NSA does not ... wittingly ... collect data on millions of Americans, but it does, although the question arises as to whether "not wittingly" is the same as "unwittingly'. My bad.

I trust this clears up any confusion.  Please feel free to call if you have further questions.

Obama as Saruman

"For you have come, and that was the purpose of my message.  And here you will stay, Gandalf, and rest from journeys. For I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman Ring-Maker, Saruman of many colours!"
 
I looked then, and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of all colours, and if he moved they shimmered and changed hue so the eye was bewildered.
 
“I liked white better,” I said.  ‘”White!" he sneered.  “It serves as a beginning.  White cloth may be dyed.  The white page may be overwritten; and the white light can be broken."

J.R.R. Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings 

Anniversary of London Charter, August 8, 1945

Article 6.

The Tribunal established by the Agreement referred to in Article 1 hereof for the trial and punishment of the major war criminals of the European Axis countries shall have the power to try and punish persons who, acting in the interests of the European Axis countries, whether as individuals or as members of organizations, committed any of the following crimes.

The following acts, or any of them, are crimes coming within the jurisdiction of the Tribunal for which there shall be individual responsibility:

(a) CRIMES AGAINST PEACE: namely, planning, preparation, initiation or waging of a war of aggression, or a war in violation of international treaties, agreements or assurances, or participation in a common plan or conspiracy for the accomplishment of any of the foregoing;

(b) WAR CRIMES: namely, violations of the laws or customs of war. Such violations shall include, but not be limited to, murder, ill-treatment or deportation to slave labor or for any other purpose of civilian population of or in occupied territory, murder or ill-treatment of prisoners of war or persons on the seas, killing of hostages, plunder of public or private property, wanton destruction of cities, towns or villages, or devastation not justified by military necessity;

(c)CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY: namely, murder, extermination, enslavement, deportation, and other inhumane acts committed against any civilian population, before or during the war; or persecutions on political, racial or religious grounds in execution of or in connection with any crime within the jurisdiction of the Tribunal, whether or not in violation of the domestic law of the country where perpetrated.

Leaders, organizers, instigators and accomplices participating in the formulation or execution of a common plan or conspiracy to commit any of the foregoing crimes are responsible for all acts performed by any persons in execution of such plan.

All intelligence and no brains. The National Security Agency.

There should be an American National Common Sense Agency.

I once attended a lecture by the Irish surgeon Denis Burkitt, original identifier of a childhood lymphoma of central Africa, and subsequent champion of a high fibre diet based - as I recall he said - on the careful observation of African turds.  It was a good lecture.  He observed the incidence of diseases in Africans who lived in the bush and those who lived in the city under the conditions of Western urbanization.  The short summary is that the urban Africans developed the afflictions of current civilization (diabetes, hypertension, obesity, diverticulitis etc.), and their turds got distinctively smaller. He suggested that one difference was the amount of dietary fibre.

What does this have to do with the National Security Agency?

Burkitt showed two cartoons about medical research.  The first was of a scientist observing disease at smaller and smaller levels with bigger and bigger magnifying glasses, and the second showed Burkitt observing disease from a hot air balloon by means of a telescope.  It was a convincing pitch for epidemiology, trying to see patterns from a distance.  I'm still trying to find the cartoons.

The National Security Agency seems to be collecting all the information in the world, in order to analyze it by very sophisticated means, with bigger and bigger magnifying glasses, in order to prevent terrorism.  Terrorism is not defined.  This has resulted most recently in a nonspecific terror alert for the entire world, probably in the Middle East and Africa, but maybe not ('"It's crazy-pants—you can quote me," said Will McCants, a former State Department adviser').  Americans and Brits are leaving Yemen like it was radioactive. What is being retailed by the American National Security State is increased "chatter".  Really?  Multiple billions have been spent on "intelligence" and that's your best shot?

From the hot air balloon, it is obvious that the United States has been bombing Yemen for years, killing innocent people along the way, bombing that on its face is illegal.  For starters, it contravenes Section of the UN Charter (Article 2 Paragraph 4), which in fact, the United States has signed.  That's without getting into the Geneva Conventions of 1949, that the US has also signed,  including Common Article 3, grave breaches of which (like murder) are war crimes.  It doesn't matter what the American Congress has authorized.

This would particularly be my view if I was the one of the Yemenis being bombed.  As Jeremy Scahill and his colleagues have courageously shown, the result is mayhem not favourable to the United States.  My understanding is that the Strategic Bombing Survey after World War 2 showed much the same thing: bombing made little difference except really pissing off the local population being bombed.  That of course did not stop bombing enthusiasts from concluding air power was decisive, as it was in, say, North Vietnam or Libya, where the benefits have been obvious.

In any case if, after illegally bombing a country for some period of time, your multibillion dollar intelligence agency can only tell you there is "chatter" in the Middle East and Africa, possibly Yemen, then you don't have an intelligence agency, you have idiots savants who can't distinguish between small turds and big ones, or even know turds when they see them.

My own country is no better.  The Canadian Security Intelligence Service has produced a vague but menacing report in May, 2013, without attribution, or really, evidence (most sources, but not all, were newspaper reports or papers from foundations) seeing the future of al Qaeda.  As opposed to this, this, or this.

This report contains the results of a research project led by the academic outreach program of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) to explore the future of the Al-Qaeda phenomenon. It consists of alternative future scenarios developed during a workshop, as well as four original papers written by individual specialists at the request of CSIS. The report is not an analytical document and does not represent any formal assessment or position of CSIS or the Government of Canada. All components of the project were held under Chatham House rule; therefore, the identity of the authors and the participants is not disclosed.

Is that helpful? 

The @ggreenwald show. Reality TV doesn't get better than this.

Glenn Greenwald's Twitter account is the best political entertainment since Watergate.  Really, it's better. Only one main guy went down then (with a Presidential Pardon and full pension, like Scooter Libby) and there were no lasting consequences.  Reagan picked up where Nixon left off, and the mythology continued almost uninterrupted but for the unfortunate Carter Person.  He ran straight into the American Mythology Rocks and sank without trace.

This is better.  There is not one guy but thousands who look stupid, evil, and incompetent.  In place of Woodstein and Hersh, we have at least half a dozen people, most recently Manning and Snowden, trying to point out stupidity, evil, and incompetence. There's no avoiding it, it's not a matter of interpretation. Of course, the Americans leaving Vietnam ignominiously wasn't a matter of interpretation either, although people didn't stop trying, claiming that the American involvement had prevented Communism in, say, Malaysia, despite the fact that at the time of the American departure, the "North" Vietnamese were at the gates, were certifiably Communist (whatever that actually meant), and had no effect on neighbouring states except Cambodia that wasn't Communist either, but was where America might end up if the Tea Party gets into power.

Meanwhile the American "centralized state" is losing control of the mythology, and looking increasing stupid, evil, and incompetent.  It's wonderful.

Greenwald is an American constitutional lawyer who has actually been in a courtroom.  He is a passionate and coldly logical defender of the American Constitution.  He is incorruptible.

Please pass the remote and the popcorn.