RON MACLEAN
(in studio)
Welcome to an extraordinary telecast of House of Commons Night in Canada. I’m Ron Maclean, with Don Cherry beamed in from the cottage…Don, thanks for taking the time to join us tonight…
DON CHERRY
(on webcam via Skype, obviously in gazebo at cottage at night, nursing beer, horrible fluorescent light overhead and mosquito coil burning in background)
No problem, the loons were making me crazy.
RON MACLEAN
We’ve seen a dramatic series of events in Britain, in the Mother of Parliaments, and we’d like your take on it.
DON CHERRY
Well of course I’d put Canada first, and I think the Europeans have a lot to learn from us…
RON MACLEAN
I’m not entirely sure the British House of Commons would regard itself as “European”…
DON CHERRY
It’s all the same thing, they’re on that side of the Atlantic.
RON MACLEAN
Who’s “they”?
DON CHERRY
Whatever. It’s gotta be good for the game of Parliamentary Democracy. I am as you know a huge fan of Peter Milliken and the game of Canadian parliamentary democracy, going all the way back to Sir John A. But I have to admit, the Westminster show has really got my attention. It’s everything the game should be…
RON MACLEAN
I should draw our viewers’ attention to that fact you’re not talking about New Westminster in British Columbia…
DON CHERRY
…or the Salmon-Bellies…
RON MACLEAN
…but rather Westminster in Britain…
DON CHERRY
…beside “the stinking Thames…”
RON MACLEAN
…you’re not talking about London, Ontario…
DON CHERRY
…not exactly, no. I’m talking about London England, as described by Anthony Trollope…
RON MACLEAN
(stunned)
Who’s Anthony Trollope?
DON CHERRY
You know, I think your horizon is a little too limited.
RON MACLEAN
...but getting back to the Mother of Parliaments…
DON CHERRY
They really know how to put on a good show. I’ve gotta say, for pure entertainment, you can’t beat the British House of Commons. I like our last speaker, Peter Milliken, a gentleman and a scholar, but you can’t beat Bercow for going toe-to-toe with the hotheads in the British Commons. It’s fireworks! I’d pay good money to see it, except it’s free.
RON MACLEAN
So who’s your money on? Who do you like?
DON CHERRY
Nobody. Cameron’s a suck-up, Milliband’s a wuss, and Clegg is invisible. What we need is a good, honest God-fearing communist and a front-bench clearing brawl, unless of course we could get a Winston Churchill.
RON MACLEAN
What are the chances of that?
DON CHERRY
Bad, unless a real woman steps up.
RON MACLEAN
So that’s it for us here at House of Commons Night in Canada, covering the developing play-off drama in Britain.
I DON CHERRY
I think their problem is the warm beer.
RON MACLEAN
Have you ever been to Britain?
DON CHERRY
No, but I’ve read about it. Lord Stanley didn’t appear out of nowhere.
