PANDA LEADER
Ah...Panda Flight this is Panda Leader. Acknowledge.
PANDA 1
[Chewing]
PANDA LEADER
Say again, Panda Flight this is Panda Leader.
PANDA 1
[Chewing]
PANDA LEADER
OK, Panda 1 this is Panda Leader. Please acknowledge.
PANDA 1
[Chewing] Yeah, s'up?
PANDA LEADER
Panda 1, would you please remove the fucking bamboo from your mouth and show professional radio discipline.
PANDA 1
[Burp] Panda Leader, you should lighten up a little. We're not in Beijing. You might be on the Standing Committee of the Politburo, but I am not, and in fact nobody asked me if I wanted to spend the next 10 years in Canada, so you might as well get used to the fact that I'm not going to be snapping to attention any time soon.
PANDA LEADER
Panda 1, I find your attitude reprehensible. We're representing China.
PANDA 1
Whatever. I'm a panda. My job is to sit around and look cute while eating industrial quantities of California bamboo, and I'll be really good at both.
PANDA LEADER
I feel your insubordination will have to be reported to the Standing Committee.
PANDA 1
What are they gonna do, send me home to a panda re-education camp? That'll look good on the world stage: "Panda sent home from Canada for having bad attitude." I can see it now, passionate demonstrations from school children against heartless communist autocrats...
PANDA LEADER
You know it wouldn't be like that.
PANDA 1
Wouldn't it? I can play it pretty good. I can eat bamboo with the best, and I hear we can smoke the California stuff...
PANDA LEADER
NO!
PANDA 1
Face it Panda Leader, you're a Trotskyite Revisionist and your mindless attachment to the Long March will get you nowhere in today's world.
PANDA LEADER
How did you get selected for this mission?
PANDA 1
I'm cute and I eat shoots and smoke.
