Let’s Make Kandahar Part of Canada

This will solve a lot of problems and we’re already most of the way there: we have a Canadian Forces Base, an airport and a Timmy’s, and a guy from Coquitlam has just been made Governor. All we need is Canadian Tire and a decent Junior Hockey team.

The advantages are obvious. The Charter of Rights and Freedoms would apply to everybody in Kandahar, and the civil service can move in, together with the RCMP, the National Parks Service, and universal health insurance. The Wheat Board can deal with the immense agricultural potential. Canadian Customs and Immigration and their charming beagles will sort out the border with Pakistan.

Perhaps we should ask the inhabitants. We’ll have a Referendum; we know how to do that, and ask one very straightforward question:

“Do you agree that Kandahar should become part of Canada after having made a formal offer for a new economic and political partnership within the scope of the bill respecting the future of Québec and of the agreement signed on June 12, 1995?”

We can commission D3 systems of Langley, Virginia to do the survey – they’ve already done one for us – we just have to let them know what answer we want.