Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Case of the Serial Proroguer - Part the Last

Return to Rideau Hall...

I arrived in Ottawa and went directly by cab to the front entrance of Rideau Hall. Secrecy was useless.

I was shown in to a reception room where I'd been told Stephen Harper had been kept waiting for hours. I lit a cigar and enjoyed the moment.

At length, Her Excellency sat opposite me and asked: "Well?"

"I must tell Your Excellency that your appeal to the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council has been dismissed."

There was a pregnant pause. "Shit," she said.

"Nevertheless, I am commanded to express to you Her Majesty's views on the present constitutional problem in Canada."

"Which are...?"

I told her.

"Furthermore, Her Majesty, through the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council, has commanded me to present to you her private views."

"Which are...?"

I told her.

"I didn't know she could use language like that."

I'd been waiting avidly for this moment.

"It's the Queen's English," I said.

She gave me a black look and said, "Thanks, I guess."

I let myself out the tradesmens' entrance and repaired immediately to the Chateau Laurier in a dishevelled state. It occurred to me that being a constitutional lawyer was a pretty good gig.

I was comfortably into my third Screech on the rocks when I was approached by a pair of cowboy boots, above which was a cowboy suit to match.

"Hi," said the owner of the suit. "My name's Ed, and I'm looking to take Alberta out of Confederation."