Monday, August 12, 2013

The Wittingly Review

From:  J. Clapper, Director of National Intelligence

To:  B. Obama, President

Re:  Review of NSA procedures and everything.

I am honored that you have entrusted me with the keys to the asylum. As you know, I have been resident there myself for time out of mind. I remember sitting at the knee of Wild Bill Donovan...but forgive me, I'm wandering.

I am pleased to report by return of mail that all is well.  I did indeed tell Congress, in the Person of Senator Ron Wyden, that the NSA does not collect data on millions of Americans...wittingly. As it turns out I was wrong.  I unwittingly said that the NSA does not ... wittingly ... collect data on millions of Americans, but it does, although the question arises as to whether "not wittingly" is the same as "unwittingly'. My bad.

I trust this clears up any confusion.  Please feel free to call if you have further questions.