Saturday, April 9, 2011

"When the swallows come back to Kapuskasing"*

(*Song by J. Wayne. F. Shuster)

From the desk of Raymond Sturgeon
Conservative candidate for Algoma-Manitoulin-Kapuskasing
April, 2011

The F-35 will provide a wide range of benefits for this constituency. First, the day after the election, I will be returning to my day job with CFN Consultants, where I will be in a position to advance the interests of my constitutents in the cause of building the most expensive fighter aircraft that nobody has ever wanted in the history of the world. The money's going to go somewhere, I don't see why, for example, Manitoulin Island shouldn't get some of it.

Second, the F-35 will allow me to visit all my constitutents frequently, using cutting edge technology that leaves the Twin Otter, just to pick one example, looking seriously outdated. The F-35 can't land on water admittedly, but my previous client, Lockheed-Martin, with whom I will be resuming professional relations the day after the election, has a plan to fill in selected northern Ontario lakes and construct state of the art all-weather landing strips on the then unused piles of dirt.

Third, I will be lobbying hard for an advanced NATO fighter base in Kapuskasing. Why not? If Cold Lake can have one, so can we.

Fourth, our many First Nations constitutents will benefit from the many job opportunities at fast food outlets that will spring up around the various bases and lake reclamation projects.

Sturgeon for Harper's Ottawa Team in 2011! The caviar is a bonus.